BROKEN NEWS

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French Ambassador impressed with new Museum


Date:16 January 2009
Source: The Roanoke Star-Sentinel

"Très magnifique! Zees will put ze Louvre to shem."


The Quack Treats the Cracked


Date: 10 October 2008
Source: Late Show Fun Facts

Before Dr. Phil became a quack psychologist, he considered a career as a quack dentist.

If you go to a quack dentist, you'll wind up with no teeth and a big bill.


Don't crowd the ledge! Everyone will get a turn.


Date: 7 October 2008
Source: Inside Edition

Financial analysts are urging people to stay calm through economic turbulence and bank failures.

If people follow the advice, bankruptcy filings are anticipated from amusement parks, motels, and horror movie studios.


AIDS Virus Traced to Chimpanzees


Date: 2 February 1999
Source: WSLS-TV 10, Roanoke

The AIDS Virus has been found in a species of Central African chimpanzee.

Prominent homophobes claim, "We knew from the beginning that this whole plague was caused by panzees."


Bladders Implanted in Dogs


Date: 30 January 1999
Source: Los Angeles Times

Harvard scientists have grown bladder cells in the laboratory and implanted them in six beagles.

After years of painstaking biotechnical research, Harvard is on the verge of producing a dog that need only be walked once a day.


Microsoft Depositions Opened to Public


Date: 30 January 1999
Source: Roanoke Times

A federal appeals court opened to the public 100 depositions "taken in the government high-profile case against Microsoft".

"The case was originally brought by lawyers representing several media organizations, including the Associated Press".

Is Bill Gates angry at Associated Press for bringing suit against him? Perhaps he should sue AP under the same antitrust law.


Senate to Call Live Witnesses


Date: 1998
Source: various

The press reported that the U.S. Senate would call live witnesses to testify in the trial of President Bill Clinton.

How disappointing! We were looking forward to hearing from Vince Foster and Ron Brown.


Woman Gives Birth to Adult Man



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Last updated: 25 June 2009


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